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Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

Time:10:10 am.
I have nothing to do. It's driving me crazy. Most everyone I know lives in a mildly negative state where they are negative about everything at least to a degree, and I miss being a kid. Justin and are going off birth control on Friday. (I have to have my Mirena removed). I hope I can be a good mommy. I want kids. I don't want to live vicariously through them, but I totally want to do kid stuff with them again. Kids rule. And adults are usually negative. I don't know how to fight this base sense of bitterness and dissatisfaction in myself. I have a good life, lots to be thankful for. Why am I complacent?

Alas. There's the news. I haven't told my family, because they'll go NUTS and I'll never hear the end of it.

But I would like to be a Mom.

6 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Wednesday, May 17th, 2006

Subject:All fracking ready?!
Time:9:34 am.
So. It's May, yes? Two humble months ago, I had hair. (heh). I was also in the time honored tradition that means so much to so many until they graduate and realize, well, that was a fun time I"ll think about maybe once a year from now on and it didn't mean near as much as I acted like....yes. Spring Sing.
And what better time than effing May to get started on next year's show, eh? Yeah. I'm a co-director this year, excited about it, and also marvelling at what Spring Sing does to me. I know it's just a silly six minute show, and I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

So. Theme time, right? We kinda wanna play the game where we don't tell any club but ours what we are. The problem with that is that so many girls in our club will only do that if they think that it's okay to just tell ONE person... who just tells ONE PERSON, and then, within two days, 160 people know, and all because everyone just told ONE person. Hm. So yeah. There's that. OKAY that's not what I wanted to talk about.

What I wanted to talk about...what makes a GOOD spring sing theme? Specificially, what makes a good Spring Sing theme for a ladies' show? yes. Things to consider. We have two ideas we've seriously worked on, two more that we really really like the theme for, and a fifth one I thought of yesterday. I asked Whitney (the other co) via email if perhaps we should just let the girls vote, and then it would really be their theme. They picked it. And that might be fun. Whitney and I have proven already that we can come up with just about anything, so I dion't think it would be too late in the game to not have a theme until the first or fourth week of school (depending on whether or not we waited for new members to be able to vote as well). We probably should...they're the ones who HAVE to be in Spring Sing. Hmmm.

OKAY. Any feedback, anyone?
1 faerie believer| Message after the BEEP

Thursday, February 9th, 2006

Time:11:24 am.
Talk about dropping bombs, sheesu. Apparently I'm an initiating figurehead in Xanga Wars! The three major dramatizers of life don't know about this journal of mine, therefore I feel it safe to vent here.

UGH with the unintelligent. Could I have been any less personal? I was talking about college students everywhere. If they wanted to localize it they should've realized I was including myself, I talked about how I needed to be more humble and how I really wanted to graduate in order to get out in the world and become a better person. I did not give anyone license to apply all my problems with my state to their person, I did not blame anyone for the state of affairs, in fact I told them that to take me personally was to prove the point that people take liberties to apply things personally; hence those who would take it personally would be boththe cause and effect of the problem I stated at a grander scale.

I think I'm going to be back in California sometime within the next 27 months. I'm more and more glad everyday that I came to college and met my bridesmaids and not my husband.

M&P-crashing your house tonight? I promised I'd come by this week, and tonight's the winner.
6 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Wednesday, February 1st, 2006

Time:12:10 pm.
cant stand having more balls than most men.
6 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Wednesday, October 12th, 2005

Time:3:35 am.
Banquet dates can be such hard things to obtain! Guh.
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Sunday, August 14th, 2005

Time:10:41 pm.

more later.
5 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Sunday, July 24th, 2005

Time:10:41 am.
GUH. I hate thinking you have things one way only to find out that you were suppossed to think exactly that in order to be someone else's chess pawn. How is it we manipulate those around us until they are most useful for our means? *shudder*

I'm ready for school now. Is that cool? Can we do that yet?
2 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Saturday, July 23rd, 2005

Subject:Dual Journalism
Time:8:21 am.
It's four in the morning. O.o

not sleeping is frustrating, did you know?

and was it a bad dream? no. am i sick? nuh-uh. did something wake me?

...well...in part.

Wasn't sleeping well because of my overactive bloody brain that still has a fierce knee-jerk reaction to anything going well with a male...and I had this great conversation with a guy who just wants to be my friend but because it went so well the first time we swapped words, I'm sweating profusely. MAN I LOVE aftermath. It's my FAVORITE.

So right when I just fell back asleep, I got IMed by Captain Random, Jed's friend from high school, and my computer made an obnoxious ding, and I'm awake?! Alright? GUH. Oh...and now this guy thinks I'm rude because I'm like "what do you want" and he's making fun of my home town? It's now FOUR in the MORNING he's waking me up and I'M RUDE?! K. Great, thanks. I'll jot that one down so I can consider it more properly when I'm coherent.

I want to trust one so bad. It's just so so hard surrendering that last bit of my safety...allowing myself to be vulnerable...I'm just like any other girl. I don't care what you think's made stronger about my personage because I'm an orphan. I still want someone bigger than me to protect me.

Well now I've done it. I've made myself cry.

A note: if you should ever have to wake me up in person, steal my blankets and run for your bloody life, alright?! Don't return into any apparatus in which I can throw something at your head or vital parts within fifteen minutes and when you do come back you'd better have coffee as a peace offering.

Captain Random is right; I'm quite a force to be reckoned with when something so precious as my sleep is jacked around with.

***copied and pasted from my xanga.
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Wednesday, April 6th, 2005

Time:11:54 pm.

So if I said Sly's Alter Ego was coming to Oklahoma Christian to do a concert because I booked them, would you come?

Good! Leave April 28th free after your finals.

2 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Tuesday, March 15th, 2005

Subject:AT&T and Matt Ray
Time:6:26 pm.
Ahem. I believe in evolution. (So sorry, Matt.) I believe this because vampires themselves have ceased to exist, but now AT&T does. They have gone from sucking merely blood, but now they just suck so bad it takes up your life, wallet, and trust in their organization.

Ahem. When I signed up with The Suckers, I gave them a zip code with which to base my calling area. It is an Edmond zip code. NOW, when I get roaming charges because my phone ONLY COVERS Oklahoma City and NOT EDMOND, I give them a call, and Sue McVampire says that she will refund that. I get her ID number in case this does not work out. She assured me while I was on the phone that it had already gone through. Fantastic.

Ahem. It didn't work out. I call for Sue, and Janice McVampire says I cannot call for her even though I have her operator ID number. Janice tries to explain to me what happened but all it translates to is "Blah blah blah, we ripped you off, give us all your money, thanks" but at this point, I had budgeted to give them fifty dollars, and not five times that amount. I explain that to Ms McVampire and she tells me not to worry, my account will not be past due until April fifth, and I will be coming into a large paycheck March 31st. This all works out, yes? I take down Janice's ID number just in case.

AHEM. NO, NOT WORKING OUT they want their money oh say YESTERDAY and I won't have it for another two weeks.

I'm putting my phone on vacation for awhile. If I don't do it The Suckers will. Until then, if you consider phone service, I hear the Werewolves at Sprint are have become more tame while evolving.
2 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Sunday, February 27th, 2005

Time:6:59 pm.
What stupid celebrity are you destined to kill? by daydreamer8852
You killed
With a
OnJuly 9, 2020
Quiz created with MemeGen!
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Time:11:40 am.
Your element is earth: Wise, solitary, mysterious
and loving. You are very wise. Your wise as in
you know things others do not, you can see past
stereotypes and see the real people behind
their facades, and people will often come to
you for help and advice. Quite solitary and
somewhat shy around people because you prefer
animals and plants, animals aren't afraid to
show themselves or what they are feeling and
plants are fun to nurture. You are very strong
in your silence if you set your mind on
something you will often times pursue it to the
end. Sometimes you just want to get away, so
you seek refuge in the forest where you can
have time to think and try to sort out your
emotions. The sound of the wind usually calms
you, especially moving through the trees. Life
to you is something precious and should not be
taken for granted.

.:-|What is your true element?|-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla
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Wednesday, February 16th, 2005

Time:3:52 pm.
I HAVE AN INTERVIEW!!! I have an interview.
Let's say that again in different format.

THEY called ME for an interview! Did Amanda have to chase down employers? NAY! Did they call me on the phone and say "hey wanna wear preppy clothes and work for us? Please oh please come speak with a manager next wednesday?!" OH I BELIEVE THEY DID!
1 faerie believer| Message after the BEEP

Monday, February 14th, 2005

Time:2:31 pm.
Mood: Singles' Awareness Day.
*beats brains out*

Okay, I prefer pleasant noise, so the cretons in the conservatory whilst I sit at work do not realize that they're about to bring about the apocalypse, I'm sure. Do not tempt the wrath!

Last VD (vinereal disease? not entirely unlike Valentines day) was spent pining over Taylor.

Oh if only I could travel back in time and warn myself.

This one's not so bad. VD is easy when you don't have a crush on anybody and nobody's got a crush on you. There's no pressure to perform.

....you can hold me once, you can hold me twice, even better under the stars tonight. You can hold me, be my one and only, this is the reply to the letter you wrote me....

I love FM Static. I wish more guys wrote notes and cared after girls. Stuck with Superchick today:

All princes come from frogs

All gentlemen from dogs

Wait till it's plain to see

what they're growing up to be

Some frogs will still be frogs

some dogs will still be dogs

most boys will become men

just don't kiss 'em till then
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Thursday, February 10th, 2005

Time:11:42 am.
Guess what OC?

I'm not pregnant. Actually, it would be medically impossible for me to be pregnant.

Thanks for the rumor, though.

I'm going back to the hospital to be with Ashley, whom also is not pregnant. (Although she was yesterday.)
8 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Monday, February 7th, 2005

Time:8:05 pm.
Take a sharp left out of Comfy Court, go slow easing out of Stupor Lane, you'll hang a right onto Cognitive Road, a winding drive, when you come to Heartbreak Mountain, ease up at a good pace because it's pretty steep, it's all downhill from there but there's an exit going down, if you don't take Patience Highway you'll have to detour around and drive the whole thing again. Once on Patience, it's a straighter road, but you'll need to stop off at Flying Wisdom Station to refill your fuel before you stop at Finally's tracks that cross the backroad "His Will" and when the Ford Prayer SUV passes, that's where you'll find me waiting.

Maybe if I leave my future directions, it'll get here and I'll know what it is faster.
1 faerie believer| Message after the BEEP

Sunday, February 6th, 2005

Time:9:23 pm.
I went to McDonalds yesterday and was given a free apple pie. This can only mean one thing, and I do believe it means that this spring semester has finally come to that Time.

I call this lapse "The Spring Sing State Of Mind". I have officially entered this because the first warning sign is that you're so used to grinning so soundly that your cheeks hurt, all your words are not only cheerful, they sparkle.

If they were illustrated, brightly colored sequins would be flowing from your mouth, your aura as it were, if you were a girl, be akin to that one cheerleader in high school that had the proverbial "it" that makes everyone hopelessly enthralled if not enamored. If you are a guy, your very smell is learning to defy gravity after all the moves you have from Spring Sing. You could do a backflip without a second thought, it's become natural to stunt. Both boy and girl alike has found themselves being lyrical geniuses, re-doing the lyrics to their favorite songs entirely by mistake while singing as if nobody was listening on thier way to class. It is as iff the sun is breaking through the cloud to give you your very own spot light. Businesses give you free things, the opposite sex wants to hug you for a long time, and everyone is starting to look like we've been hitting the crack a bit too much.

You can't focus on regular things, such as where your keys are, or when your next class is, or that you were supposed to shower yesterday. Oh no. It's Spring Sing. Fun redone lyrics to classic Michael Jackson for you!

With liberty, the Alpha Kick, Kappa Snaps, and Chi Jigs for all.
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Thursday, February 3rd, 2005

Time:4:42 am.
Oh I feel a rampage comin on....

up late with typography. joy of joys. *waits for paint to dry* doot doo dooo!
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Thursday, January 27th, 2005

Time:4:56 pm.
The Daily Oklahoman hated South Pacific for reasons Megan and I have been saying under our breaths the entire time.

3 faerie believers| Message after the BEEP

Wednesday, January 26th, 2005

Time:5:35 pm.
Mood: all too typical: LAUGH..
Stuff this funny only happens to me.

Got up late for any semblance of put togetherness, went to painting in my pajamas (so as not to ruin my clothes, yes?). I was assigned a mad-hard Van Gogh reproduction by next Monday. Hang on to your brushes, kids! I hope I rock the house. Everyone seems surprised at the calibur of stuff I've been turning out in that class, though, and Crismon thinks I can do a Van Gogh, so...maybe that should be a compliment.

And of course I ran into the cute guy. I have a new one every year. One guy who's just really cute who I've never quite got the guts to speak to. This year's model is a guy who's always seemed cool, cute just happened to be bonus to his general aura of cool. He never speaks though, so it's really just an impression I got. I finally talked to this one. Somewhere in my head, my inner monologue started a soundtrack of FM Static...energetic happy sounding stuff...really talkin to this guy who has a beautiful smile when I look down for a second and OH YES. FM Static fades out as I realize...I'm *still* in my pajamas, and now I'm also covered in paint. Yummy. (...boooo)

I go to African Civ (BOO) and sit down, about fifteen minutes into themostboringlectureever over Mali when...is that MY PHONE?! My heart races as it lands in my head...the thought. THAT one. Ashley's in labor, right? That's why my phone's ringing! AUGH! I run in the hallway, sure enough, it was St Anthony's hospital. I ran back in the classroom to grab my things, ran into the wrong row (that flustered for Ashie) and found...is that hot guy? I do believe that's cool-hot looking guy! And I'm in the wrong row. Way to be, VonRader! So I turn around, get my things, run out, call Jeanette...she's in class? I thought she was Ashley's Lamaze instructor? Yeah...about that. ROSALITA's in labor...or has an appointment...or her doctor misses her...because that's why St Anthony's called. I don't know anyone named Rosalita, but Ashley's definitly not having a baby right now. AWESOME.

It would only happen to me.
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LiveJournal for DarthVonRader.

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